so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The Olympian is in my bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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