the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
