I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize