is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
