Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
