We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
