You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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