dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
