thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
