My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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