i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
