Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
