my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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