margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize