you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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