i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
