I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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