Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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