I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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