I skipped work to stalk him.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
