Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
