the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
