well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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