Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
