I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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