i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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