Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
