Where did you get a picture of my penis
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
