I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
