I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
