Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
