I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
