My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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