Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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