hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
