I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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