Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
