walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
