i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
two words...techno handjob
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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