That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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