I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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