That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
