That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
