are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
