Its about making memories worth repressing
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
