I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
