fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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