Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
