Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i came on her dog
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
