I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
