I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I supernannyed him into submission
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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