I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
NoShamevember. You game?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
