Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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