So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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