I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
