i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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