She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
