I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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