I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
