so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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