we made out on top of his cat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
