i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
