What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
