Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
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It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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