she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
