i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
