We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
