can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
