The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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