So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
