this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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