before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
