FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
