somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
