my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
