Sponge bath it is.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
