If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
