Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
