White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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