she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
