The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so let's talk penis.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
