She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
