That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
