No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
