How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
